Either my way or no way. (I was wrong)

Either my way or no way. (I was wrong)

Procrastination. That’s what it is! I’ve been ‘avoiding’ this post since I published the previous one,

at some point I even decided that I wouldn’t write it, but I put myself to the task, that’s why you’re reading it, I guess!

Uhm, so, one reason I’m finding it hard to write this is because it’s still work in progress. Okay, back story, I graduated about two months ago and just like any other adult, I had my life planned out on a storyboard of sorts, including the time frames. A month later, (too soon you say?) nothing was going according to the storyboard I had ‘figured out.’ Well, my life was great, only problem is that my script was messed up. The sequence wasn’t as I had envisioned.

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Being a ‘typical’ Christian, I went to God, questioned Him enough times, had arguments with Him and, I was angry at Him. Because He wasn’t fulfilling my desires (or so I thought), He wasn’t speaking to me (but was I listening?)…so I decided to ‘put Him aside.’ I resorted not to do anything that’s required of me, as His child. As lay man would say, “I was just there.” Literally, I was running my own life! It was something like, so God you won’t do what I want? Okay, watch me do what I want. This continued throughout the month of August, I made my life about me, and the second and third weeks of August felt like a year! At this point, it felt like I was watching someone else’s life, I could bet I wasn’t present in it, so that’s when I decided to take a ‘backseat.’ (If you follow me on my socials, you would know this is the period I was off any kind of social media, including my blog.)

Last week of August, I went back to God, this time with my pride behind me, because I realized, it’s not about me, my life is not my own. I experienced just two weeks of “being-in-charge” and I could not take it! Like how was I supposed to survive anyway? The best thing about God, is that He is merciful, we don’t deserve Him, we can’t even afford Him, but if you humble yourself at before Him, He will take you in, He will give you a second chance, that’s exactly what happened to me.

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First week of September would birth my trip to Zanzibar. All along I knew I wanted to go, but at that point, it was a need. ACC, is a training that happens annually, I had been to one (two years ago) so I knew that kind of space would help me in my transition. I was eager to experience what God had in store for me and I had a feeling I would get some of that from Zanzibar.

To digress a bit, up until the last week before my trip, I hadn’t informed my boss about it. Everyday after work my mum would ask me, “have you told them?” Ellah, my friend, also never gave me a break about it. To be honest, I was quite anxious, that’s why I held back from telling them. So the Friday before my trip on Monday, I sent my boss an email and dropped a text to draw his attention to his mailbox. On Saturday, he rang me, I was ready to be scolded, then he went like, “Okay Bettie, have a nice trip.” What? Are you kidding me? I couldn’t believe it was that easy, but see how God works, also Mum and I had really prayed about it. All this to say, Mark 11:24. (Read it, and live it!)

About three days in, nothing had happened that I could relate with. As a matter of fact, I felt disturbed. In one of the sessions, we were asked, “What’s your story?” Honestly, I was taken a back, I couldn’t think of anything I would call my story. I felt like “my story” was just beginning, so there was nothing for me to say.

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Then a friend (who I actually met at Zanzibar) asked me the same question, “I don’t know it, my life is just there,” was my response. You know those people who won’t leave you at average? They will ask you and ‘bug’ you just to make sure you don’t settle for less? That’s how it was with this friend (names withheld please, lol). God also has some sense of humor, to think that two people had already asked me the same question, three more people asked it, so in total 5, and they wouldn’t let me not say anything about it.

So as ‘the friend’ shared their story, and different other people talked about it, my view shifted, I appreciated every single stage of life I had been (nothing just happens). That particular conversation was very timely and prompted me towards a direction I appreciate. In fact a certain day, I went somewhere and pretended to tell my story to an audience, and the beauty about God, He is always in constant communication with us, only that we don’t seek and listen to Him. That day, I was very intentional about it, and God did actually speak to me about my life.

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That’s where we are! I mean, me, myself and I. (so cliche` but oh well)

So what am I saying?

~There’s your plan, then there’s God’s plan. (Proverbs 16:19)

~Listen to God. (Proverbs 3:6-16

~Your happiness shouldn’t be based on what your eyes see, but what God’s word says about you. (Romans 1)

Thanks for sticking through this very long one, ultimately, I hope you can pick something, anything, from this post.

Love & Hugs!

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